This is my first time taking part in 5 Fandom Friday. If you’re interested in learning more you can find out about it here.
1 – Blogging
For 2016 I’ve chosen the word evolve, and part of that is relaunching my blog. It’s a bit step for me because I’ve decided to share a lot more about my life and experiences as a disabled girl with glasses. Plus I’m going to be delving into the world of reviews, tutorials and beauty. The later is pretty scary for me because I’ve never been a popular pretty girl, I have enough confidence to say I’m pretty, but all my life I’ve been told I’m ugly. I’m also overweight now, something that has been a big issue for me due to a past relationship being emotionally abusive. Their weight issues were transferred onto me and at one point last year I was terrified to visit home because of it. Towards the end of last year I decided I’d had enough and after a few more emotional breakthroughs I realised that I didn’t need to keep apologising for my weight, for my skin problems, which were due to ongoing health problems. I’ve had a lot of stuff to overcome with my disabilities but this was something that I hadn’t been able to come to terms with until recently.
2 – Gaming videos
Following on from above, I’m aiming to try to put together my first gaming video this year. That is a pretty big step for me as we’ve all seen the type of criticism you can get online, especially on youtube. Criticism isn’t something I’ve ever been good with, but it is something I’ve been working on and I finally feel ready to do this.
3 – More diverse and difficult games
This is quite light-hearted in comparison to the others. Last year I decided to try a game which I thought I never had a chance of playing, let alone completing. Yet I did it. So this year I want to up my game, so to speak, and see what else I can complete that is outside my comfort zone.
4 – Professional
This year I complete my postgraduate in Information and Library studies and after that, well… there’s a lot of chances for me to take.
5 – Writing
Not so much a chance to take, but something that could lead to chances. I need to get back to writing and would like to complete the first draft of my novel this year.
Yesterday I got my degree classification for my English Literature MA (hons) and it was a 2.2! In my previous entry I wrote about how bad I expected the result to be and honestly, I was not expecting a 2nd at all. I stared at the screen for several minutes before the hyper hysterical reality hit me and I have been on a high ever since. I am just so happy. I am extremely proud of my fellow students for getting their 2.1’s, I know how hard they worked for them – but I’m not jealous. A 2.2 is beyond my wildest dreams for four years that have been emotionally and physically difficult. I almost gave up this year, considering the idea of resitting my final year and I’m really glad I didn’t now. I’m still waiting for my individual module marks, but it is most likely my creative writing dissertation which boosted my final mark. I seriously doubt my exam results were that good.
They say you can do anything if you believe in it, if you put the work in and I finally feel like that is true. I had health problems during my first degree, however, they were mostly in the final part of my final year. I had to get an extension for my dissertation and that probably cost me a 1st. I was and still am overjoyed with the 2.1 I got, just as I am with this result. There are always going to be ‘what ifs’ and sometimes, especially when it’s due to health reasons beyond my control, it is easy to get lost in them. What if I hadn’t been so ill? What if I’d not missed so many classes? At the end of the day I am very lucky that it doesn’t matter. I’m already accepted into a Masters so the result didn’t matter – wait no, that is incorrect; it didn’t matter to my career, to my future. To me personally it matters. I would have been satisfied with a worse result, yet I would have felt terrible. Like a failure. Everyone around me would have told me not to be so silly, that even just completing a second degree with my health issues is a marvellous achievement – and they would have been right. I still would have felt bad. I still feel bad about my A-level results all those years ago despite holding two undergraduate degrees now.
Last time I got my degree classification I had just come out of a bad relationship, and while I was proud of myself, my future was completely up in the air. I had this awesome degree, loads of knowledge and experience in my mind and no idea what to do with it. No confidence to do anything with it. That was 8 years ago, and several months later I would make a choice to return to a game I still play today, the MMORPG World of Warcraft, after a chance meeting at my cousin’s wedding. There I met Chris, the amazing and loving man who has helped me through this degree and built my confidence up one bit at a time. I still have bad days, they will never go away, but I have hope and I have love. This time I am surrounded by love and support, people cheering me on and wanting me to do well – for myself.
I’ve been trying to get my brain to function well enough to write this since my exams ended two weeks ago, but thanks to a raging sinus infection it has been delayed. Usually the post-exam entry is me panicking about my exam results, especially as these are my final exams. I’ll admit I am a bit, but not nearly as much as I should be. BECAUSE I’VE ALREADY been accepted to study a post graduate course at University of Strathclyde in Information and Library studies! I was literally jumping for joy when I was accepted, and since I already have a 2.1 degree classification I was accepted straight away. I’m also the first one in my family to get to Post graduate, and it has been a very hard won victory for me personally. So yes, I am feeling very proud of myself. I’ll feel even more so when I’ve actually done it of course, and I’m excited to enter into a new realm of career possibilities! The course itself is a mixture of information, law, computer labs, individual and group coursework and exams. I’m sure there will still be some essays in there, but it will be nice to be doing some lab work as well. The law side of things is different, however, I’m hoping my background in sociology helps with that.
It meant that I could go through my exams with a certain reassurance in regards to my future. I didn’t flunk my exams, but knowing that if they did go tits up it wasn’t the end of the world was very freeing. The exams went ok, with the exception of the last one – my body finally screamed ‘I’ve had enough!’ and flung a tantrum. So the end of the second question ended up a rambling mess and I had to leave early due to a pounding migraine. Our results usually come out in a few weeks, and I’ve heard rumours of the 12th June being ‘the big day’. Honestly, I’m not expecting a great classification. This year has been insanely difficult and the year before wasn’t exactly a peach either. I wouldn’t have gotten through it all without an amazing amount of love and support from friends and family, that’s for sure. Honestly, I am most looking forward to finding out my dissertation result, because it was my first original short story work that has been looked at critically. AKA a big deal.
I have more to write about (such as summer plans) but it will need to wait for another entry, my sinuses are making my brain go mushy again. I will finish on this note though; since my last exam I have successfully stuck to a strict diet! Now just need to add in the exercising 🙂
While thinking about writing this entry I couldn’t help but think ‘I really need to get better at blogging’. It’s a thought I had just under a year ago, and many times before that. There are so many things I need to do, so many I have done and the last year really has just felt like an ongoing list of things I need to do. I guess that is what life is about, moving from one thing to another and on a positive note at least I am progressing. It’s especially important that I remember that right now because since September I have been quite seriously ill. Not at death’s door or anything like that, but my god did I feel like it a few times. I caught the flu and for three weeks it was absolutely awful. I’ve only ever had flu one other time I can recall and I had the same reaction. It’s why I am such a big fan of the flu vaccine and have been getting it since I was 16. Unfortunately the flu vaccine isn’t a cure, and every year the doctors need to choose which flu strain they think will be the most prevalent. Apparently this year they made the wrong choice and one of the other strains turned out to be more widespread, so my flu vaccine did nada.
As if flu wasn’t bad enough my body decided to add to the fun; I developed tennis elbow in my left arm and had sinusitis. The flu took such a toll on my body that I developed became post viral which basically means my immune system got smashed to bits. For a while there I had pretty bad fatigue and every day I’d get up for an hour or less before having to collapse into bed with crippling fatigue. I’m still feeling post viral, which basically means I’m really run down, have not been able to concentrate for more than 15 ish mins at a time (end of term essays were great fun…), and generally feeling really crappy with every symptom under the sun. I’m slowly regaining my health back because I have exams in May and being able to concentrate for 15 mins at a time ain’t going to cut it in a 2 1/2 hour exam.
I missed pretty much all my classes, including the creative writing workshops I have been looking forward to for years. Fortunately I managed to persevere and got my dissertation completed, as well as all my assignments on time. The past few weeks have been incredibly difficult and stressful, but I did it. Now just my exams and that’s my final year over with and I graduate. What I’ll graduate with is yet to be seen. I had planned to go into teacher training, however, my Maths GCSE grade doesn’t quite cut it up here in Scotland. I could go to college for a year, struggle with the one subject I find terrifying and still not get the grade. I’ve also had time to think about it and have decided for various reasons not to pursue teaching. My dissertation supervisor, the author Laura Marney, was very supportive of my writing and teaching takes an awful lot of time up. If I want to seriously pursue my writing I don’t think I have the time to do both. So I am applying for a postgraduate course in Library and Information studies which leads to working in libraries (duh) as well as publishing.
At present I am coming to the end of my ‘week off’ before hitting the revision. I really enjoyed the selection of texts from my term 2 courses, Children’s literature and Science fiction, to the point that they both added a pile of more books to my ‘to read‘ list. I’ve also registered with our local library at last, which is handily located at the end of our road 😛 So I am catching up on some much needed reading for pleasure 🙂 Also playing some WoW and catching up on various online projects.
… and now I’m preparing to go into the final year of my second degree. Since my last entry I’ve completed my exams, gotten the results, been on two holidays (Tenerife and then Norfolk) and moved house! My exam were results could have been better and definitely reflected the amount of classes I missed, but they could have been worse. I passed and no resits so I am heading into my final year – and I am beyond relieved to be doing the creative writing dissertation rather than the “normal” dissertation. I have absolutely no clue where I’d even start with that.
I’ve already had my classes confirmed and will be studying these alongside the creative writing dissertation; Children’s Literature, Popular Victorian Literature and Science Fiction (wooo!). I’ve not got the reading lists yet but I have started some prep reading which so far includes H.G Wells’ Time Machine and The Beetle by Richard Marsh.
I start back at Uni around 20th September, and in mid-August I’ll be back volunteering at the high school for one day a week. I’m also working on the university campus again this summer as a Frontline Assistant for registration and enrolment (the same job I did last year) and I’m currently in the middle of the training for it. It’s great to see some familar faces from last year and meet some awesome new people too, so really looking forward to it again.
Our new flat is awesome and we just moved the cats into it, and I’m happy to say they are settling in absolutely fantastic. They are loving the space and it’s great to have them around again, rather than poor George being stuck downstairs away from us (our desks were in the same room as the bed, which he likes to pee on…). In two weeks they’ll be able to go out in the gardens (both front and back are fairly large) and they’ll have a blast. There’s a tree at the end of the garden as well which I know they’ll be climbing when they’ve settled in. There are dogs on either side of us though so they’re going to need to get used to that, but it’s a good thing as we’re planning to get a dog in the future so this gets them used to it.
This is just a quick entry to update you all about stuff, more updates coming soon and maybe a topic or two of discussions.